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PA Smoking Ban Highlights Need for Part-Time, Citizen Legislature

by Nathan Shrader

Back in the 1950s entertainer Louis Prima did a song about his "confused Italian greyhound" that would bark at him instead of at strangers and howl until Prima took his own albums off the turntable and put Sam Butera records on.

The Pennsylvania General Assembly is starting to look more and more like Prima's confused Italian greyhound with each passing moment.

June 10, 2008 saw the latest in the decline of Penn's Woods. The state Senate—with little fanfare—voted by a lopsided 41 to 9 margin to enact a statewide smoking ban, referred to as (no joke) The Smoke Free Pennsylvania Act. The House voted on June 4 to pass the bill by a margin of 163 to 38. The result is the further advance of the government-knows-best, nanny state model of governance in the Keystone State.

Voters elect legislators to serve as pit bulls to guard against corruption and to attack serious economic and political problems such as Pennsylvania's high tax rate, the dysfunctional full-time legislature, out-of-control spending, and a citizenry that has all but given up on anything other than the Steelers and Eagles. Instead, the state legislature acts more like Prima's bamboozled greyhound, barking at irrelevant, nonsensical issues like smoking rather than addressing the legitimate problems and solutions.

Smoking ban proponents are quick to buttress their position with bogus, inane theories about how people who work in bars and restaurants are dying from smoke inhalation. They ignore the fact that these hard working waiters, waitresses, and barkeeps can do what anyone else does if they don't like their jobs: quit and get another one. It is called the free market and it is a beautiful thing.

Senate Bill 246 also creates loopholes allowing the state's casino racket to be partially exempt from the ban and permitting smoking in cigar bars, tobacco shops, and bars that have 20 percent or less in annual sales of food. This number was concocted arbitrarily. Senator Stewart "Nanny State Stew" Greenleaf (R-Montgomery) and his cadre of cradle-to-grave coddlers were kind enough to "exempt" people who choose to smoke in their own cars or their own homes! I hope someone remembers to send him a thank you note and a pack of Swisher Sweets.

Since these legislators have proven their knack for voting for big government solutions to imaginary problems like smoking in public, political robo-calls, mandatory seat belts, etc., how about a few other asinine ideas for bills that will help "protect" people from themselves by limiting potentially risky behavior?

First, since some suggest that government ought to do something about obesity, legislators may choose to affix a subjective weight as being "governmentally obese." Just as with the smoking ban legislation's requirement that hotels may only permit smoking in 25 percent of their available rooms, this number should be determined at random without any method or motive. Let's say, 313 pounds will make you a porker by state standards.

State Representative X, eager to apply government-knows-best logic to all situations will carry a bill saying that any Pennsylvanian over 313 pounds is obese and therefore, eating at a buffet restaurant is deemed to be a poor personal health choice. The bill will require all buffet-style eateries to have scales at the door. Patrons must weigh in prior to dining. If Joe Sixpack goes to the local Ponderosa and weighs in at 314, he will be denied admission to said buffet and instead handed informative leaflets about controlling his weight. The bill can be called "The Rotundity Relief Act of 2008."

Does this sound insane? It should to you, but it won't to a lawmaker since it mirrors the atrocious piece of legislative twaddle passed this month by members of both chambers.

Let's try another. It's summertime. Every summer numerous Pennsylvanians spend a bit too much time in the sun and end up with the inevitable burn. Perhaps a legislator will devise a bill that bans Pennsylvanians from sunbathing without long sleeve shirts and long pants to avoid dangerous, cancer-causing rays from reaching their skin. Call it the "Skin Protection and Cancer Prevention Act." Call up Governor Rendell and arrange a ceremonial bill signing—inside of course as to avoid the UV rays. Just don't have it at the Ponderosa.

Maybe someone will write a law requiring that dogs wear seat belts in cars? Oh, wait. Former State Representative Tom Stevenson actually introduced this bill, which contributed to him losing his seat in the 2006 Republican primary.

Finally, the House and Senate might just get together to pass the "Spectator Safety Act of 2008," which mandates that all fans attending Phillies games at Citizen's Bank Ballpark and Pirates games at PNC Park must wear regulation baseball helmets during the entire game to avoid the possibility of being hit by a foul ball. The taxpayers, of course, will pay for these helmets for all season ticket holders.

Unfortunately for the state legislators who voted once more against individual liberty, Pennsylvania citizens who have some semblance of respect for freedom may rise up as they did during the pay raise debacle of 2005 and discard the 204 legislators who voted for the ban like a smoldering Newport butt.

I suggest three immediate ways to help prevent the further embarrassment and decline of this once great state and a potential reversal of the current nannyism which runs amuck:

1—Limit the legislature to only 50 days each year to conduct business. This will limit the time they spend on frivolous bills and force them to deal only with meaningful legislation.

2—Compensate legislators at roughly $10,000 for their services and cut their legislative staff down to one or two staffers each, year-round, without exceptions. No legislator may have more than one district office (aka-taxpayer-funded reelection headquarters) nor may they have more than $1,000 per year in government-allotted postage to send fancy direct mail pieces to voters as they do now at our expense under the guise of constituent "education."

3—Create a House and Senate rule that each legislator may carry no more than 10 bills per year. If Senator Greenleaf and his buddies realize that they are limited to only putting in 10 bills, my guess is that dog seatbelt laws will never be introduced.

These basic, sensible ground rules would help make our confused Italian greyhounds less likely to abuse the public's time and trust. Until this happens the best we can do is to dump the 204 legislators responsible for passing the smoking ban in the electoral ash tray this November.

Nathan Shrader is a former aide to Pennsylvania's Lieutenant Governor. He has been involved in dozens of political campaigns throughout the state and is an elected Republican Committeeman in Westmoreland County. He can be reached at nathanrshrader@yahoo.com.