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From the Kitchen Table

Punishment

by Peg Luksik

Recently one of the Presidential candidates spoke about his children in a speech. He said that although he wanted to raise his daughters to have good values, if one of them made a mistake, he wouldn't want them to be punished with a baby.

A number of people found that comment to be offensive.

But we, as a society, have been subtly telling our children that babies are punishments for a long time. The candidate's comments just brought the subtle message to the surface.

Consider school programs on "responsible sexuality."

They place carefully constructed weights on teenage boys so they can experience the discomforts of carrying a child throughout pregnancy. Of course those weights don't simulate the incredible excitement of feeling the first stirrings of life within the womb. They don't share the fun of a pre-born with the hiccups. They don't recreate the wonder of actually feeling the tiny life within grow and become stronger and more active every day. The weights share the discomfort – but only life can share the joy.

So the boy has been taught that pregnancy is bad.

The programs require teenagers to carry eggs or dolls around with them for a pre-determined amount of time. They must arrange for a babysitter if they want to leave the object behind. They must care for the dolls, many of which cry at irregular intervals. They are supposed to learn that babies are a big responsibility.

They are.

But eggs and dolls don't look at teenagers with solemn and serious eyes. They don't grab for their noses or cling to their fingers. They don't smile in recognition at their faces or calm at their voices. They don't curl into the teen's arms. They don't cause an explosion of love in the teen's heart. An explosion that turns caretaker to parent. An explosion that only happens when a person holds their own child in their arms for the first time.

Babies do. Unfortunately, the programs cannot re-create and never mention these missing pieces.

So the teens have been taught that babies are burdens.

The sexuality programs teach them how to engage in sex and avoid pregnancy, sending the message that sex is good and pregnancy is bad. They are never taught that among all the wonders of sexuality, the ability it confers on a man and a woman to procreate is the greatest. They are never taught that bringing a new life into the world, a life that has never existed before anywhere in the universe and will now last forever, is the greatest experience they will ever know. They are never taught that sex belongs in marriage so they will not be robbed of the opportunity to enjoy completely all of the blessings that sexuality and parenthood bring.

Instead, they are told that sex is physical and babies are punishments. The candidate was only echoing the lesson that our schools have been teaching. He, like all things political, merely reflects what our society has become. If we don't like the image his words reveal, we need to change the society that appears in the political mirror.

Blaming the mirror may be easier than facing our own responsibilities, but it will not change the reality of the society the mirror reflects. Only we can change that reality. The question is, "Will we?"