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From the Kitchen Table


Stop the Algae

by Peg Luksik
 

I have listened with great interest to the debate surrounding the energy situation. If I understand the concerns of the environmentalists correctly, they are looking for an energy source that is completely renewable, does not affect the natural habitats of any place on earth, and is available to everyone equally.

Well, I am taking this opportunity to announce that I have solved the energy crisis.

All we need to do is capture the energy that comes from hot flashes.

It is completely renewable. There will always be women who are having them. In fact, nothing needs to be done to ensure that this situation continues indefinitely. We never need to worry about running out of women having hot flashes.

It does not affect the natural habitat of any place on earth. They do not need anyone to drill for them, or pump for them, or grow them. They naturally exist in an openly available form. And, other than the woman experiencing the flash, they have not been known to affect the environment in the area where the hot flash is occurring.

They are available to everyone. If there is a place where energy is needed for human endeavors, it is a sure bet that there are already women present. And since women naturally produce this energy form for several years, it should not require any government activity to ensure that the energy is available everywhere.

It does not have any of the complications of solar energy or wind energy. Solar energy needs the sun, so cloudy days and all nights are a problem. Wind energy needs the wind to actually blow with enough strength to make the wind turbines turn, so calm days are a problem. But hot flashes naturally occur at all hours of the day and night, and they don't require any wind conditions. They are always available as an energy source, especially with so many women producing them.

Now, there are a few technical issues to work through.

We will need to develop a mechanism to capture this wonderful energy source, convert it into electricity, and share it through our power grids. And we will, of course, need to decide how to compensate all the women who will be sharing this energy "resources" with the rest of us.

But I am not expecting that any of these situations will prove to be an unsolvable problem.

After all, the federal government has invested hundreds of millions into algae and solar power and wind energy companies. Most of them have not moved beyond the research and development stages, and many have gone bankrupt because they couldn't bring a viable product into the market place at an affordable price.

So we just need the government agencies involved to divert the funds they are already spending away from these failed experiments and put them toward the development of the energy source of tomorrow.

Given the enthusiasm that Washington has shown for algae, I'm sure they will jump at this new, and better, opportunity.




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